matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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