Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
