I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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