life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
