I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
