if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
