The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
