end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
