Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
