and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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