apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
