you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
