You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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