I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
