There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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