my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
