my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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