he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We're too hungover to prance.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
