So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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