"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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