currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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