listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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