if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
