this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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