guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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