i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
