I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
