I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
