Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
