Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
