i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
