so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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