Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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