"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
