Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
