We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
