i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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