A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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