i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
