I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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