Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
