I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will pee on everything he values.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
