There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
