when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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