I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
