Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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