this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
