Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
