It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
