I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
