By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
