doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
